Nothing to say

Today is November 1st. As I write, my husband is starting his second annual foray into NaNoWriMo, which is no easy feat. I am preparing myself to be a novel-widow yet again this year, though I know it is his passion and there is and end-date in sight. This had me thinking about my own writing, of which there is has been exactly none for more than a month. A large part of my blogoshpere withdrawal has been due to some spectacularly busy months that are only now settling. But truth be told, I’ve also found myself thinking that I have nothing to say anymore. Those closest to me will know that I am not often at a loss for words; those less close may not be as surprised as I’m actually quite shy and guarded. I’ve felt that any ideas I’ve had have already been covered, often better than I thought I could have done. So why bother, who would want to read my naive, often ill-informed opinions…

This is probably not the truth, more so the manifestations of negative self-talk and a slipping mood. These are two items I have been working diligently to identify and rectify over the last few months. Even if no one else on this great blue orb cared what I had to say, should I feel I should not say it for myself, if it makes me happy? I am acting so afraid of my critics that I won’t even let the words out, to be judged on their own merits. My nature is to say that this is the safe bet. My intellect pushes to fight the writers block, move past the low emotions and fear, and simply write, for better or worse. My nature thrives on comfort, but I know my fulfillment in life comes when I accomplish new things.

I’ve never been one to set goals. I’ve claimed that I did not need clear goals to get where I was going, but the truth is that without goals, there was no way to measure failure. So today, I am setting a goal: write something and post it every day this month. It is lofty, perhaps unrealistic. I don’t know if I can do it. But I am going to try as I love this project, I love to write, and I would be less fulfilled if I knew I simply let it slip away. I have a life to live and a daughter to teach and encourage in her own endeavors. I want for her the ability to follow through on her own goals and not to be silenced by anyone, particularly not herself. So today I start leading by example. Wish me luck.

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One thought on “Nothing to say

  1. I believe you can do it! Each post need not be long to satisfy the goal. And one month should be great for establishing the routine! (and, to address your first paragraph, I am one who enjoys reading your posts).

    I wish you luck!

    Like

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